Before we talk about how to get out of an abusive relationship, we should have a clear picture of this contumelious relationship.
Some say it is only the physical harassment. There is no confusion, and there is no fooling ourselves, let us get something clear: Abuse can be verbal, religious, spiritual, physical, and emotional.
Abuse is real and happening every day, of course, behind closed doors, any doors any street. Every class and category of society have the same problem.
As per statistics revealed by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), in the US each minute about 20 people become the victim of an abusive relationship, which means, over 10 million victims per year.
How It Affects The Children.
For children, these relationships greatly affect their trust and the way they look at the World around them. It leaves them with an inability to understand and handle their emotions.
As a result, they have difficulty forming healthy relationships based on a suspected, confused view.
When they grow up, they may develop certain mental conditions as an effect of their abusive past. Even they are at risk of repeating the same behavior they got to others. Even though the survivor may have no intention to abuse, the individual is often unconsciously acted like people who have abused him during his/her childhood.
Their past life history distorts them and makes it hard for them to distinguish between normal and abnormal behaviors. For them, their actions seem like normal!
Victims of Abusive Relationships.
Women are in Danger!
It may hurt some, but it is a fact that the women are the most affected than the men. NCADV revealed that around 83.71% of the victims are female and around 70% of them are between 18-24 years of age.
It may be because men are genetically stronger than women are. It may sound like an “Old Saying, ” but we all know women are socially conditioned to believe weaker than men, both physically and mentally.
Even in these days of gender equality, the feeling has been stored in a small corner of our brain. For some men, they still hold on to the idea that was historically formed.
Guys are Coming Up.
Here I should mention that every 1 man out of 18 in the US becomes a victim of a defamatory relationship. And most of the cases they are mentally tortured by the women. Interestingly, 20% of them are with any earning source.
Therefore, it is clear that men without any earning is are more affected than who have an income source.
Reasons Behind an Abusive Relationship.
The important question is: so why do men or women abuse their partners? Apparently, the answer is quite simple:
Because they can! The most critical answer might be; they are allowed to do! And, the fact is, we allow them!
Yes, most of the survived victims replied the same reason when asked the above question. They said; if they had opposed or reacted or even left the place during the first instances, the situation would not have worsened.
Most often you neglect the situation or try to heal your pain with some glory moments you had with your partner. Come out of this …you have secure your future. You need not be a genius to understand that you are not well and this person is not that with whom you had those glory moments.
5 Reasons Why They Continue With Abusive Relationship.
- You think with love and patience as you believe you can help them change.
- Always under the illusion that each time they say sorry, and you think it is over.
- You are afraid to be on alone.
- Lost so much confidence and self-esteem you do not know what to do.
- Afraid of what they might do if you leave.
5 Signs of Abusive Relationship.
You may sometimes get confused that if your partner is abusive or not. He might be saying an intense “Sorry!” seeing you in painful condition.
Here are some starting signs you must look for before deciding.
- Your partner is threatening you with any of your weak points starts showing you down.
- He/She makes you feel like that you have done anything wrong and he/she keeps repeating it all the time.
- He/She keeps yelling at you for small reasons.
- Your partner is excessively possessive and restricts you from being with your loved ones.
- He starts hating things you love.
How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship?
Are You Mentally Ready?
The first step in leaving a contumelious relationship is to identify it. There are many ways to judge this.
Telling yourself the truth and be honest with yourself about your relationship is the first step to start the process. There may be occasions when he/she criticizes you about odd things, and you may start to feel engulfed.
Your intuition begins to tell you that your partner is trying to show you down all the time, and even tries to detach you from your family and friends.
These are the primary symptoms of abuse, and you start having a strong aversion to him/her and decide not to stay with. You just feel like leaving your offensive relationship.
Get very clear that if you are actually a victim: mentally, verbally, emotionally, or physically. It is the most important part, so decide it carefully, without any emotion. A wrong decision can ruin your future, may me your partner’s as well. Ask yourself,” Is it the life that you truly deserve?”
No one deserves to be mistreated in the name of love. Again, one thing you should always keep in mind that your partner can go mad with your decision and may plan to hurt you; safety is important.
Oprah always says, “Love does not hurt.” Every people have their difficulties of life, but that is not what we are discussing. Deep down inside your heart, you know if the person is abusing you.
5 Reasons Why You Should Leave Your Abusing Partner.
1 Sometimes love is just not enough. You can still love your partner, but you cannot live with your abusive partner. It is not right to excuse all mistakes and maintain a relationship just because we love someone.
2 Words are cheap; saying sorry is not all to excuse all past actions. The person needs to have some real understanding of why something is not acceptable and why it has crushed someone. Besides, he/she should make sure nothing like that is ever repeated.
3 Some people consider being alone as loneliness. The truth is we do not want to be alone with ourselves. That is why we will adjust our true happiness and will live with someone else till we are not on our own.
4 When we say someone has no confidence or self-esteem, it resembles that something is pulling them down. Lack of trust or self-esteem is just a negative thinking that builds a grass-root feeling inside us.
You can change those negative thinking to a positive one by showing yourself a better future.
5 Normally what we fear is worse than what will come about, because we are mentally set to dream the worst when we are in fear. Here, fear is to cage and control you. Use your fear to drive you to the separation for betterment, not to force you to stay. Use your will power to win the battle against fear.
If you genuinely fear for your safety, you may call police or seek for online or telephonic help from TheHotline.
Never Turn Back, Once Decided.
So how do you get out of an abusive relationship? The severity of the abuse will determine your plan of action. If you see signs early and choose to ignore them, they will only be worse.
The sooner you leave, the better off you will be. If you are in an extremely violent or intense situation, you have to plan safely and secretly.
Leaving an abusive partner is not easy, neither forgetting your contumelious relationship. It always starts to make you feel that you are destroying your family and you are ruining your children’s lives as well.
Sometimes you may feel like you should give your partner a second chance.
Leaving the relationship, even though it was an offensive one, will bring a lot of pain. When you feel sad, do not hesitate to cry in your heart. It might feel like you will never stop but it will make your heart light.
Every relationship has something good to be missed. However, remember that you have to pay a high price if you want something better.
5 Key Points to Remember while Preparing Your Path To a New Life.
1 The first and foremost thing you should do is to prioritize things that are going to take with you, that too in a safe place. You should always be very careful regarding where you live after your separation.
2 Take only the things that are necessary for you or may require in future. You may keep the legal documents crucial for your children and you. If you have any data that confirms the abusive behavior of your partner, keep those with you. It will help you for your legal separation.
3 Take sufficient amount of money and financial instruments with you. It will help you for your settlement expenses for the new life.
4 You should always make sure that you have contact numbers of a few trusted friends or relatives; you may need at any moment.
5 If you prefer, you can also carry some of your personal belongings with you to which you cannot afford to miss, like a photo album, a memorable gift, etc. It will help you to handle your emotions.
You have only failed if you have not learned from your mistakes. Though it is good to analyze failure to an extent, do not beat yourself up about it. Mistakes often help us to re-think and take the right decision for a particular situation. Those who pass it are survivors, and those who fail are victims.
There never will be a good time to get out of an abusive relationship. So do not wait until the next time it happens, the next time you have money, the next time you feel mighty, the next time you cannot take any more, etc.
Frankly, what you are waiting for is a miracle and miracles seldom happen. I know it is painful to forget all but you should stop judging yourself for that incident and seek reasons for it. Allow yourself to feel your freedom completely.
Take some time to rebuild yourself and indulge in things that you wanted to do for a long time, but could not. Fill your heart with newer bright moments; pamper yourself until you feel better than ever.
Cover Image: Xvire on flickr.com